The Woes of Cynicism
by PrinceMittens
Summary: An accident happens during the Genin bell-test. Kakashi tries to put himself back together as years of guilt finally overwhelm him. As Kakashi struggles with depression, the remains of what would've been Team Seven do the best they can given their new circumstances. Elsewhere, the change of events set back certain plans by at least a decade while easing the fruition of others.
1. I-I: A Misstep

Plot Bunny goes hop, creating a rift in the time-space continuum and allowing the soul of Uzumaki Naruto to return to his twelve year old body. Plot Bunny is pretty amazing don't you think?

* * *

Kakashi knelt contemplatively as the dust settled around him. ' _This is Naruto?'_ He thought. ' _This can't be Naruto.. Naruto isn't this powerful._ '

Before he could muse further, he felt a tremor in the air behind him. Moving on instinct, the former ANBU Captain flashed to the side with all his considerable speed, narrowly evading what would have been a fatal blow. This couldn't be Naruto. Naruto wasn't this fast, nor was he this strong. Sure he was the Fourth Hokage's son, but the boy wasn't even a genin yet.

"Kakashi sensei!" Naruto's voice sang jovially. "Where are you?"

Kakashi closed his eyes to affirm his resolve and leapt down from the tree that he'd escaped to. While it was true that Shinobi were constantly bringing about death, they were still human. Even a man like him, who had seen and been a part of countless horrors as an Assassin and Captain of the ANBU, could place value on the beautiful and mysterious thing that is life. The trees were casualties he could prevent. If he left the tree, then it wouldn't be subject to harm.

Just as he landed on the grass, an explosive boom thundered from behind; the tree that had harbored him splintered into millions of pieces as Naruto clipped it with his fist.

Kakashi felt a sudden irrational stroke of fear which overrode his usual reservation. He was having trouble in even steeling his nerves to turn to face what he _knew_ should be one of the weakest prospective genin from among the three. With Sasuke buried up to his head in the earth and Sakura laying unconscious from his Illusion Jutsu, Naruto had suddenly become stronger, more powerful than all previous indicators had made the boy out to be.

Naruto chuckled, his child's voice filled with eagerness as he spoke in very soft tones. "Kaakashi-senseii~"

Kakashi shivered. The voice was coming from right next to his ear.

"Give me the bells.." Naruto giggled. "Or else."

Suddenly, all Kakashi's fears vanished. Here he was, one of the most powerful and skilled Shinobi of the Hidden Leaf Village, being cowed by a child of no more than twelve. It made him feel like a pathetic loser being pushed around by some third-rate bully. Kakashi's fists clenched tightly as he felt his pride take a near-lethal blow, and he spun on his feet, a Jutsu already prepared. Out of the earth, several spikes of lethally sharp rocks punctured the air.

"Oops, almost got me!~" Naruto sang as he wheeled up into the air. He dodged several lances of lightning and caught a flurry of very efficiently thrown kunai. After evading all the attacks successfully, the boy landed on one of the many sharp spikes of earth that Kakashi had produced - spikes which should have pierced him from toe to head. Even without his Sharingan, Kakashi could practically see the pool of Chakra under Naruto's feet that permitted him to perform such a feat. The level of Chakra control that the boy was exhibiting was nothing short of insane.

Naruto dropped all the kunai that he'd caught to the ground, and the air changed.

Kakashi's fears instantaneously resurfaced. An instinctual part of him, the part which told him to fight or flee, was shouting loudly at him to make good on the latter and get as far away as he could.

Noticing the tension he was causing, Naruto smiled. Kakashi almost collapsed in relief as the oppressive air suddenly lessened. As he was about to surrender his bells, Naruto spoke, smile still plastered on his face. "Kakashi-sensei. You weren't trying to _kill_ me were you?"

Kakashi remained unmoved and somehow managed to maintain his composure. "W-what-" He coughed, pretending to clear his throat to cover for his stutter. "What makes you think that?"

"Well.." Naruto put a finger to his chin. Then, before Kakashi even had time to register any movement, he was plowed headfirst into a faceful of dirt. "Those spikes, those A-rank lightning jutsus and the kunai that you were throwing at my vitals seemed like they were meant to.. you know.. kill me. Unless I'm wrong, and you thought I could survive being put on a spike with kunais stuck in my head and heart of course." Kakashi began to struggle, but to no avail. The hand on his neck kept his face in the dirt and the foot on his hand kept him from making any hand seals. The fear which he'd felt earlier had been supplanted by a morbid certainty. He was going to die. Kakashi grunted as he tried and failed to free himself from the hands that were pinning him down. Naruto continued to speak as if unaware of his adversary's movements. "I mean sure you could claim that you performed all of those lethal techniques with the expectation that I'd somehow survive, but if you really think about it, even the best would have to at least take several arcs of those lightning lances. The average Chuunin would find themselves hard-pressed to survive such a combination, much less a student fresh from the academy."

Suddenly, the boy released him. This time, Kakashi did not have to fake his cough. Spluttering for breath, the Jonin quickly unveiled his Sharingan and leapt as far away as he could.

The person he was facing couldn't be Naruto. No child could be that powerful. He was half-tempted to believe that it was the Nine-tails which gave Naruto his sudden influx of power, but he ruled out that possibility almost instantly. He hadn't sensed any of the volatile substance of the Nine-tail's Chakra being used. The earlier oppressive atmosphere had consisted entirely of natural Killing Intent. Further, there was no fathomable universe in which the current Naruto could have accessed the Nine-tails' power without losing his mind to the malicious creature inside him. It was impossible, at least not with what he'd seen of Naruto for the duration of the boy's academic tenure. In fact, he'd watched Naruto training for the Academy exam only a few days ago.

It wasn't that Kakashi was harsh or condescending, but Naruto had the worst Chakra control he'd ever seen of any human being, no doubt due to his large coils. Naruto also wasn't very smart. He was clever, but being clever and being intelligent are not the same.

It was almost as if the Naruto he was facing now and the Naruto he faced yesterday were two different people.

Kakashi twisted around in grim determination as the epiphany hit him full force. _Of course._ The truth had been in front of him the whole time. The person he was facing wasn't Naruto. The real Naruto had been replaced, either kidnapped or taken away, and was now supplanted by an incredibly powerful imposter.

As these thoughts raced through his mind, Kakashi distantly heard someone shout something like ' _Fuuton: Daitoppa!"_

Kakashi watched with horror as the forestry which surrounded him was annihilated. Hundreds of trees flew up into the sky, their roots violently torn from the earth by the powerful gale, and at the calm center of the storm of wind, Kakashi stood with a single grim purpose in mind.

The visage of Namikaze Minato's blonde child landed lightly in front of him, palms open. "Bells here. Last chance."

"It seems I've been outmatched." Kakashi laughed and swayed the bells in his hand, causing them to jingle. "Ok. I will give you the bells, but you'll have to answer one very important question."

Naruto nodded confidently as if he already knew the answer of whatever question was going to be thrown his way. "The answer is teamw-"

"Ah-ah." Kakashi interrupted. "That's not what I'm asking, though it seems you already know the in's and out's of my test. No. What I want to ask you is something else entirely."

Naruto tilted his head and frowned as Kakashi began walking toward him. "So what's the question?"

Kakashi took his last step and stopped to a standstill directly in front of Naruto, his Sharingan blazing a furious red. "What did you do to the real Naruto?"

There was a moment of silence as both the child and the twenty-four year old man stared into each other's eyes. Kakashi tried briefly to put the person in front of him into an Illusion with his Sharingan and, to no surprise, he failed.

The statuesque moment passed and Naruto grinned, his emotions inscrutable. "So." The figure of the boy began. "You've noticed."

Kakashi gazed out to survey the field around him before shrugging in response. "How could I not? You don't really expect me to believe that the real Naruto somehow learned to have suddenly become a Shinobi of S-ranked prowess overnight do you?"

"No." The boy figure shook his head. "I suppose not. I'm also much too eloquent to be the real Naruto aren't I?"

"Nailed it in the head." Kakashi replied. He was confused. If this were an infiltrator, what was his purpose? Whoever the person was, it was highly unlikely that he (or she) had taken Naruto's place just to crush and humiliate the Hidden Leaf's renowned Copy-nin. "I ask again. Where is the real Naruto?"

The figure of the child slowly reached out and took the bells from Kakashi's unmoving hands. "I guess I kind of did want you to realize the truth, Hatake Kakashi. I could have continued playing the role of the stupid brat, but that's over and done now. I'm glad." The figure laughed lightly. "In six months, the Hidden Leaf will face an invasion. The last Uchiha, the one that is currently being put under your supervision, will be taken from the village." The boy figure smiled a cryptic smile before turning to walk away. "And the Third Hokage will be killed. And so, I will see you again in six months, Hatake Kakashi. For now, I have some important places to be and things to change. It's been nice speaking to you."

Fighting his instinctual fear and the heavy aura of Killing Intent leaking from the boy, Kakashi quashed his jittering nerves and somehow managed to _think_ despite the voice in his mind which kept screaming at him to _run_. The figure might as well have made a direct threat against the village. If this enemy thought that he could scare the Leaf's copy-nin into letting him walk away merely with his Killing Intent, he was in for a surprise. Hatake Kakashi hadn't been one of the Leaf's best Assassins for nothing. He was not to be underestimated. He would _not_ be scared. A wave of resolve poured from his heart and, for a moment, Kakashi's mind and body overrode his KI-induced paralysis.

As the figure of Naruto turned his back to the former ANBU assassin, Kakashi flashed forward with as much speed as he could muster. His Chakra coils strained as he unlocked the first of the Eight Gates. If there was anything he'd learned from their exchange, it was that the imposter was insanely powerful, enough so that he thought that turning a back to the legendary copy-nin wasn't a risk in and of itself. What scared Kakashi was that the imposter's conceit was almost definitely justified. He would have only one chance. If he could eliminate this threat early, perhaps he could prevent the promises that had been made. He would protect the Third and the village.

There was a small cry of surprise and pain as he plunged his lightning-filled hands through the boy figure's back, shattering the target's spine. His hand stopped clean on the other side of his target's body. If his target had a heart, it had no doubt been decimated by the superheated bolts that crackled in Kakashi's palm. It was a perfect hit. He'd done it.

The boy figure slumped over, dying where he stood. Kakashi withdrew his bloodied hand, allowing the corpse to fall to the floor; he collapsed on his knees as a wave of relief washed through his heart. Now they needed to find the real Naruto. First he'd have to alert the Hokage of the situation. He would take Sasuke under his wing regardless of today's test results. It would be necessary to protect the last Uchiha from the promised abduction. He'd already eliminated one target - perhaps even the most powerful one, but who knew how many more there might be? Who exactly was it that was going to invade the Hidden Leaf? Who were the enemy and how in the world were they going to kill the Third Hokage? The thought frightened him. Just how strong was the enemy to be able to make such a promise so far in advance? In hindsight, he should have simply incapacitated Naruto's imposter. The Yamanaka interrogators could probably have drawn some answers from the boy. The real Naruto's current whereabouts in particular was now something that they would have to hand over to the sensor-nin. Kakashi prayed that they'd find him. Naruto _had_ to be safe.

Kakashi knelt by the body of his recent kill. Killing his target had probably been the right choice. It was uncertain how someone so powerful would have dealt with a non-lethal blow. There were so many things that could have gone wrong. He could have failed, and the monstrous target that he'd just killed could have turned his powers against the village. In hindsight, Kakashi was glad that his fear had driven him to forgo the more merciful path.

He stared expectantly at the child's face, framed by a mess of blonde hair. Something wasn't right. Kakashi ran his finger's across the corpse's youthful cheeks, and his heart nearly stopped. All his thoughts on the village and promised threats scattered into the wind as he beheld the boy laying in front of him.

"No." He muttered under his breath. "It can't be.." The Jonin trembled in horror as a red coat of Chakra surrounded the child figure before him.

Slowly, he lifted the orange coat, exposing the boy figure's belly to the world. On that belly, he saw the traces of the Fourth's Eight Trigram seal fade into nothingness. Kakashi's vision blurred. He had to be dreaming. Any time now, the body was going to disappear in a puff of smoke. Whatever transformation technique that the enemy had used to make themselves look like Naruto would dispel. The corpse's real identity would be revealed.

Kakashi gave two short chuckling breaths. His voice cracked as he spoke to himself. "This is not Naruto. This can't be. All the evidence pointed to that fact. All the evidence.."

He trailed off. Even as he denied his conclusion, Kakashi could not help but hold the boy's body close. He could not help but stare into the familiar blonde hair and lifeless blue eyes.

"I killed him." Kakashi whispered in horror to himself. He then addressed his dead mentor. "I killed your son.."

He knelt there with the corpse sitting in front of him, not knowing what to do.

* * *

On the other side of the clearing of trees and battered forestry, a thirteen year old pinkette by the name of Haruno Sakura woke from her Illusion. The girl was instantly made aware of her teammate's shouts for help and, after a brief search, discovered a head sticking out of the ground. Sakura screamed.

For his part, the head waited patiently for the girl to regain her sensibilities before chiding her angrily. After receiving a series of harsh admonishments, Sakura moved to dig the indignant Uchiha Sasuke up from the earth. The dark-haired Uchiha dusted himself off.

"You're useless, you know that?"

Sakura flinched and withheld her usual doting. The horrible Illusion that the copy-nin had subjected her to still weighed on her nerves, and Sasuke seemed more irritable than usual. The two began searching for their Jonin-mentor. It still wasn't noon yet. The test was still on. They followed the trail of destruction. The training ground had been completely unearthed. Trees were scattered everywhere. Whatever could perform such a feat must've been terrifying.

Sakura gulped, forcing down the lump in her throat. "What do you think could have done this?"

Sasuke sighed. Sakura had been unconscious, so she hadn't been there to see Naruto's exchanges with their prospective Jonin-mentor. "It's Naruto."

Sakura laughed nervously. "That's impossible."

Ignoring the girl, Sasuke's eyes spotted their target from among a pile of splintered trees and shrubbery. He paused to point at the unusual sight before him. "Oy. Sakura."

Sakura's eyes widened. Her hands went up to her mouth to stifle a scream, causing only a muffled gasp to draw forth from her vocal chords.

"He's killed Naruto." Sasuke stated calmly.

Slowly and warily, they stopped a small distance from the scene. Sakura was pinching herself in the wrist as Sasuke tried to analyze the situation. Was this an Illusion?

Suddenly, the Jonin called out loudly in a strange voice, causing both Academy graduates to jump. "The test is over. "

Sasuke smirked and laid a restraining hand on Sakura to keep her from making any stupid moves. The test couldn't be over. It wasn't even noon yet. He wouldn't fall for such an obvious trap.

"Do you hear me? I've failed you. Go find another Jonin to test you."

Sakura looked to Sasuke, waiting for his command. Sasuke merely shook his head and put a finger to his lips. "It's a trap." He whispered.

Then, as sudden as when he'd first spoken, Hatake Kakashi laughed. It was a strange sound coming from a man who had presented himself as an aloof and reserved individual. Not only was the laugh strange, it was maniacal. It was the crazed cackling of a man losing his grip on his sanity, and it sent shivers of fear into Sakura's heart. With large eyes, Sakura gave another pleading look at Sasuke who let his eyelids fall shut as he slowed his breathing.

Then, the Uchiha opened his eyes to glare at her in disgust, releasing his grip on her arm. "Go." He said.

Sakura felt a pang in her heart at the treatment, but remained composed. She stepped out into the clearing. Kakashi was still laughing, and it confused her. She was scared. That was Naruto's corpse she was seeing. Or was it? Tentatively, she approached the Jonin, ignoring her hammering heart as she got a better look at the face of the boy which laid before the silver-haired man.

The sight was too horrifying for her emotions to register correctly. Sakura stood numbly in place. Kakashi had stopped laughing and now had his single eye staring at the pink-haired child-soldier-to-be. He waited expectantly as Sakura's eyes remained glued on Naruto's figure. "You killed him." She stated in a flat voice. "You killed Naruto."

Kakashi turned away. The guilt was almost unbearable. He'd failed his mentor, the Fourth Hokage. The man had been as close a father to him as any could be since the death of his real father. Namikaze Minato had taught him, raised him, cared for him, and this was how he'd paid back his greatest benefactor. He'd killed the man's son. The boy who a small part of him had always felt compelled to help, if only out of sheer gratitude to the Fourth. He'd always find some excuse to not do so. He was fourteen. Too young and unqualified to raise a child. He was a Shinobi, not a caretaker. Then, when he'd become an adult, he'd watch from afar as the boy walked through the village alone. None deigned to talk to the desolate child. Naruto had needed a companion. How Kakashi had wanted to give the boy the company that he'd needed. There were many instances where he'd be on the brink of approaching the kid, but would stop himself at the last moment. Years of anti-social behavior had made it hard for him to know how to truly communicate with others. He had no idea how to deal with emotions and children. He didn't know what to say, and he was afraid of messing up. Besides, he didn't share any interests with the kid. All he knew how to do was kill. He'd wait for Naruto to get older and to understand certain concepts. Besides, the Third was there for him. The companionship of Hatake Kakashi wasn't necessary.  
And so the years whittled away. Finally, after nearly thirteen years, he had a chance to truly bond with his mentor's son, like he'd always hoped. The boy was learning the ways of Shinobi, something which Kakashi could dish out in spades. He'd hoped for this chance to get close to his mentor's son, even if he hadn't really known it before. The loss overwhelmed him, bringing all his hopes to the forefront of his being. He'd ended up killing the boy on some stupid suspicion. Maybe he should have asked more questions. Maybe there was an explanation to the boy's sudden abilities. He'd never know now. He'd acted too quickly and now Naruto was dead.

Kakashi grieved. The tears which stung at his eyes and down his face-mask fell unnoticed as he devolved further into his thoughts. He didn't deserve his Sharingan. He didn't deserve Namikaze Minato's patience, nor the life that Obito had given him. He didn't deserve to be a Shinobi.

"Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura asked timidly.

"I don't deserve to live."

"What?"

Kakashi tore his headband off his forehead and tossed it to the ground. He was no ninja, and he needed to stop playing at being one. Hells he wasn't even human. Hatake Kakashi was an ungrateful, cynical monster, a product of the Shinobi world in which he'd been raised. Such a monster should not exist in the world.

"Sakura." Sakura jumped at the voice which sounded suddenly from behind her. It was only Sasuke.

Suddenly, a small band of ANBU appeared on the scene. A few them plowed into Kakashi's body, forcing him down in a restraining hold. Kakashi made no move to resist and allowed the Shinobi to crush his face into the dirt for the second time that day.

The ANBU paused. To have subdued _the_ copy-nin so easily was odd. They had come expecting a difficult fight, thinking to hold off the former ANBU captain until further reinforcements arrived or until they subdued him with their superior numbers.

One of the ANBU, a tiger-masked woman, turned to the children. "Your test is over. Go home."

"No." Sasuke replied. "I want to know what's going on. What's going to happen to us? What about my genin promotion? Who's going to teach me now?"

Sakura examined her crush with shock. Naruto had just been _killed_ and all he could think about was his promotion?!

The air suddenly became menacing as all the ANBU turned as one toward the Uchiha. The tiger masked woman spoke again, her voice flat and toneless. "I'm afraid such details are not under our area of supervision. I suggest you speak to the Hokage or the Civilian Council, but for now, you are to leave. You have no choice in the matter."

The usually cocksure teen took an unconscious step back from the aura of hostility. Sakura, looking to alleviate the tension, bowed. "Sorry for bothering you. We will leave." She said in a trembling voice. "Naruto was.." She paused, unsure of what Naruto was. "He was someone we never thought would leave us. He was so happy and annoying and cheerful and.." The girl sobbed. "I didn't think he would.. that he would.. I-"

The ANBU woman stared mutedly at the spluttering girl. "This is what being a Shinobi means, girl. You will have to encounter death. The death of your allies, your friends and those around you. It is inevitable."

Sakura shook her head as tears dripped numbly from her eyes.

"In any case," The woman continued, looking with pity on the girl. "You should report to the Hokage."

"You told us to go home." Sasuke retorted.

"Yes. I thought it fair to expect that you'd go straight to the Hokage regardless of where we told you to go, _Uchiha brat._ "

Sasuke let his eyes go shut as he calmed himself. These were ANBU. As of right now, they were many magnitudes better than he was. There was no use antagonizing them. It also gave him comfort to know that the only reason they dared insult him was the masks that covered their identities. "Hn. Let's go Sakura."

"Ok." Sakura said quietly. She gave the scene one last look. Kakashi had already been whisked away, and Naruto's body was nowhere to be seen. Only the tiger-masked ANBU remained.

Yugao watched grimly as the pink-haired girl and the last Uchiha left the scene. She sympathized with the girl. Once upon a time, she'd been in the same position. The tragedy of death was something a Shinobi needed to constantly cope with. It was something she herself had experienced many times in the past. A part of her wished that the girl wouldn't have to go through the same. She wished the world weren't so cruel. If only everyone could all just live peacefully with each other and be happy. Why?

Why did Kakashi do it? She didn't understand. The captain she'd respected was not someone who would betray his own village. She couldn't think of a reason. Kakashi had killed the son of the Fourth, the boy for which he'd left presents for on occasion. When the rest of the village ignored or shunned the Jinchuuriki of the Nine-tails, Kakashi was one of the few who gave to the boy. She'd seen him buy the child a blue nightcap and a teddy and had even thought the gesture to be uncharacteristically cute. He'd obviously cared for the child. So why? Kakashi had killed the boy and allowed himself to be captured. His position was one which spelled almost certain death. Killing the Nine-tails' Jinchuuriki was a crime on par with murdering the Hokage. Kakashi had condemned himself with high treason.

He gained _nothing_ from killing Uzumaki Naruto.

 _Why?!_

* * *

If I ever get a pet rabbit, I'm going to name it Plot Bunny. And though I'm sure there are other bunnies who already have that name, I think the Plot Bunnies wouldn't mind having more bunnies join their rank. If I were a Plot Bunny, I'd welcome a brethren into the fold. We can all be Plot Bunnies together!  
On an unrelated note, I wanted to see a time-travel fic in which Naruto is killed, so voila. Here it is. I give all the credit to Plot Bunny, who I do not yet own. R&R please.~


	2. I-II: Tortured

Whoa. Exactly 3000 words! Whoaa! It wasn't even intentional. WHOOAAA! SUCH A PRECISE NUMBER! WHOOAAAAAAOAOOA!

* * *

"What is there to discuss, Hiruzen?" Homura began. "Hatake Kakashi has committed high treason in knowingly murdering the Vessel of the Nine-tails, a valuable property of the Leaf."

"I agree, Homura." The Third returned at his old councillor. "If Hatake Kakashi had committed his crime with full knowledge of that fact, then he would indeed be guilty of high treason and be summarily executed."

"I see. So you believe the copy-nin to have committed unintentional murder."

"No, Homura. I believe the murder was intentional. However, I've known Kakashi since he was a boy. If there's anything I know about him, it's that he would never harm the son of the Fourth Hokage. There is something more to this. I know it."

Homura sighed. "Regardless of what you believe, the fact remains that Hatake Kakashi is guilty of murdering the Nine-tail's vessel. That in itself is a crime which we cannot so easily forgive, even if the civilians and the vast majority of the village may think otherwise."

The Hokage chuckled with macabre humor at the thought. The fact that Kakashi might even be considered a hero by many for what he'd done was a cruel joke in and of itself. "We shall see. Once our interrogators have ascertained his motives, we shall see whether or not our copy-nin is still of use to the village."

"That is a logical approach. Well Hiruzen. It seems you didn't really need me after all. You have my support on this, whatever it is worth."

"It is worth more than you think, Homura. Talking to you and Koharu always helps." The Hokage replied graciously. "I'll be taking my leave then. Thank you for listening to this old man's rambling."

"My friend," Homura coughed. "Since when did you start pulling the 'old man' pretext?"

"Ever since I looked the part." Hiruzen chuckled. "Don't tell me _you've_ never done it."

Homura shook his head to the Third's mild surprise. "I have my pride, Hiruzen."

"It's a great phrase to turn to when you're looking to charm your way into people's good graces." The old Hokage justified. "There is a sort of sympathy that comes inherent with old age."

Homura coughed some more. "Charm and old age don't go together often, but I suppose if anyone could make it work.." The old councillor trailed off and chuckled. "Appealing to age is a pretty cheap trick, don't you think?"

Hiruzen's countenance became the very picture of mirth as he prepared to leave. "Not at all."

* * *

Even as he extolled the virtues of old age, Hiruzen would have given them all to be able to live in his prime again.

His bones, once strong and his tendons, once flexible, were now both old and weary. His once-sharp mind, while still sharp, was no longer the razor-edge that it had been in his youth. The Hokage's hat grew heavy on his head with the passage of time. It was a role he sometimes loathed having taken; it was one of the reasons he'd retired.

More often, however, he felt the position fulfilled his sense of duty. He was doing right for his village and bringing about justice and upholding peace to the best of his abilities. Even with age, he was still actively doing _something_. It was certainly better than sitting around waiting for impending death. That was another thing which came with old age. It'd made him acutely aware of just how limited his time was. With that limitation came a desperate need to do as much as he could before he faded away into history as just another man, another historical figure in the books in which many historical figures resided.

Old as he was, he, Sarutobi Hiruzen, did still occasionally enjoy days of spritely spirit, days which made him feel almost young again.

Today, however, was not one such day, and the young man chained before him was the source of his fatigue. Despite his despondent condition, Hatake Kakashi's stubborn silver hair somehow still managed to fight against the equally stubborn pull of gravity. At the moment, everything about the man was stubborn to a fault.

Hiruzen sighed and slipped his pipe to the other side of his mouth. "I know of your connection to young Naruto, Kakashi. Something happened out there to make you do this. I am certain you have an explanation."

Hiruzen waited as the Jonin stared silently down at the floor. One of the surrounding members of the T&I suddenly slapped the man in the face. "Oy! The Hokage requires information from you. _Speak, traitor._ "

"That won't be necessary." Hiruzen said as he turned his attention to the over-eager interrogator. "Allow me to speak to my Jonin.. alone. I will call you when needed. Make sure one of the Yamanaka remain at hand. I might require their services, loathe as I am to use it on one of our own."

With that, the room was suddenly cleared, leaving one nervous young Yamanaka standing by the Hokage's side, awaiting orders. After a moment of silence, Hiruzen cleared his throat. "Kakashi. Tell me what happened."

The man lifted his single eye listlessly. His other eye had been sealed shut to prevent him from trying to cast any sort of Sharingan-related Illusions to his interrogators, not that he would have done so anyway. "I-" The man's voice cracked. "I killed him."

"Yes, but why?"

Kakashi dropped his eyes back to the floor.

Hiruzen's frown deepened as his patience wore thin. "The Fourth was a father to you. You loved the man deeply. You respected him, and I know with absolute certainty that you value the man's son. I've seen you standing around indecisively, not knowing whether or not you should talk to the child. I've seen you sneak into the boy's apartment, doing small, covert favors for him. That plushy you bought still sits in the boy's bed. You would not have killed the boy unless you had a good reason. Was it an Illusion? Were you deceived or under some mind-controlling jutsu?"

Kakashi shook his head. "I've ruined the Fourth's legacy."

"Hatake Kakashi. Do not try my patience." Hiruzen said sternly. "I don't want to have you come to harm, especially if you don't deserve it. You are as much the Fourth's legacy as his son, and you are one of the Leaf's greatest assets."

The Third waited for Kakashi's reply. Naruto's death had been a heavy blow to him. That the boy had died under his reign as Hokage made him feel a guilt that he hadn't felt since he'd found out about Orochimaru. All those mutilated bodies that the Snake Sannin had produced piled up due to his own negligence when it came to condemning his own students. This was worse. He had promised, in Kushina's dying moments, that he would make sure that her son would live the life that his parents' sacrifices had given him. And now the boy was dead.

As with Orochimaru, he couldn't bring himself to feel hatred, only sadness and guilt. He couldn't imagine how guilty Kakashi must be feeling as the one who had performed the deed.

Realizing that the silence had passed for longer than he'd been expected to wait for, the Third gave a nod to the Yamanaka at his side. "Do what you can."

The woman nodded darkly. "Yes, Hokage-sama."

With that, she began to tear at Kakashi's mind. The Jonin fought desperately, refusing to give up the information that he had. Yamanaka Hisayo growled as her mind slammed into an iron wall. "Hokage-sama, he's resisting."

Hiruzen's forehead crinkled. "Why do you make this more difficult for yourself? I don't want to have to invoke the full interrogation team, but the degree of what you've done would require me to do so. Please." The Third almost seemed to plead. It made him feel so old. Everything about this situation did. "You don't have to suffer. My old heart won't stand for it."

Hisayo tried again, holding Kakashi's maskless jaw within her line of vision between her joined thumbs and forefingers. The Yamanaka winced as she felt herself being punted violently out of the Jonin's mind. She stumbled back and only managed to avoid colliding into a nearby operating table by the Hokage's hands. "He's too strong for me." She reported. "We might need the rest of the team."

Hiruzen watched the copy-nin with stark resignation. The man simply knelt there, unyielding and yet penitent. He had to know that his resistance was ultimately futile. It was almost as if Kakashi wanted to suffer.

"Hokage-sama?" Hisayo toned in, glancing briefly at her recent target. If she were to be honest, she didn't really want to see this man get hurt. Even if he felt guilty about it, the death of the demon-brat was something many had, at some level, desired to see. She was sure the government and people at large would be quick to forgive him of the crime, so why was he punishing himself? Even the Hokage, the one who had called for the execution of the demon-brat's several attempted murderers, had seemed forgiving.

Hiruzen sighed. "Bring in the team."

* * *

Kakashi squirmed in place as the team of Yamanaka tore at his mind. He turned his neck left and right, throwing his gaze rabidly from wall to wall and ceiling to floor.

Watching the man, Ibiki smirked. "As expected of one of our best. He's quite resilient. Most would have caved by now. Hokage-sama. I highly recommend including some physical supplements to the interrogation. At the pace we're going, it'll be a long time before we achieve any results."

The Third seemed to pause for a moment as he watched the Leaf's top Assassin struggle. "Kakashi. Please. Think of what the Fourth and his wife have done for you. Think of the life that Obito gave to allow you to live on. Even if you believe yourself unworthy, throwing away their sacrifice is the greatest disgrace you can do to them." The Third finally snapped, his patience gone. He was tired of this. He could tell Kakashi wanted the pain. "You stupid fool. Kakashi. You're not atoning for anything with you're suffering. Valuable time and resources are being spent on you, resources I know need not be wasted if you could just make this easier for us."

Kakashi continued to resist as the Yamanaka tore at his mind. Hiruzen turned away, unable to look upon the scene any further. "Make sure you do nothing that would damage him permanently. The Leaf may still require his services. I leave him in your capable hands."

The head of T&I saluted, tapping a hand to his bandaged forehead. "Yes Hokage-sama."

"Oh one more thing." Hiruzen knead the bridge of his nose between his eyes as he walked out. "Treat him with care."

His escorts quickly followed silently behind him. Hiruzen looked up at the ceiling, letting his old neck creak as they bent to allow the upward movement. The sound of a man's screams echoed down the hallway. Hiruzen shook his head sadly at his toes. ' _What pointless suffering,,'_ He thought. The worst part of being old was watching the younger ones suffer or die before their time.

Naruto's death hurt him deeply, and Kakashi's self-inflicted penitence almost broke his heart. Just knowing that he'd never see Naruto's cheery determination again made him feel as if the world had darkened considerably.

* * *

Yamanaka Hisayo was enamored by her interrogation victim. The man's life would have made quite an interesting story if written as one.

Hatake Kakashi was someone who could have been a hero. He had all the qualities of one. Like a fictional hero, he was blessed with good looks, natural talent, a rival, friends who cared about him, a father figure who cared for him, and even a girl who loved him. Further, like any fictional character, he was thrown against a repeated set of hardships; it was a perfect lineup of character, drama, rising action, and conflict

Initially, he'd believed the world to be black and white. That there was a mutually exclusive right and wrong to every set of scenarios. One either followed the rules or they didn't. Thus, with the rest of the village at large, the boy he had been had condemned his own father for breaking a fundamental Shinobi rule in ruining a crucial mission to save his teammates' lives. Hatake Sakumo's resulting suicide had made the younger Hatake fall into a pit of guilt and depression, giving his character an emotional obstacle. It was Uchiha Obito's death which had finally given him the resolution he needed. Those who broke the rules were trash, but those who abandoned their teammates are worse than trash. They were the scum of the earth. It was a belief that Kakashi had desperately held.

This was where the resemblance to the archetypal hero ended.

Kakashi lacked one fundamental aspect that would have allowed him to satisfy the role: motive. World peace? What difference could he really make? He was only one man - a drop of water in the sea. Love? A cheap emotion fueled by hormones. He'd had several romantic flings, each one seeming cheaper than the last. He had no need for money, being one of the highest ranked Jonin made sure of that. Power didn't appeal to him either. Finding the Fourth Hokage's corpse and watching the Third wither away in his office had long disenchanted him of the notion. Even the Third, with all his powers and good intentions, could not stop one single child from the cruel treatment of the villagers he supposedly lead.

So he spent his days doing only what he knew how to do. The number of people that the man had killed for his occupation could fill a sizable crowd of people of all shapes, sizes and gender.

Only routine drove him. Routine and a sense of duty to those who'd given their lives for him. Obito, Rin, and the Fourth - all three had given their lives for him.

He owed it to them to survive. He owed it to them to carry on with what he did, to maximize the potential given to him.

With such a dim outlook, it was no wonder that Uzumaki Naruto's death had so ruined him. The Fourth's son had been the only thing the man had truly seemed to look forward to, a singular goal of sorts for which he'd wanted to strive. The man had unknowingly let that goal build up, filling him so entirely that he'd become consumed by it.

The copy-nin had unconsciously made Uzumaki Naruto something to look forward to for his return from his missions. How was the kid faring? What could he secretly do to make the boy's life a little better? Whether he knew it or not, Kakashi loved the Fourth's child, even if he'd spent the majority of the boy's childhood only observing from a distance, even when he told himself that the source of his attachment was entirely from his gratitude to the deceased Fourth.

Seeing the deepest secrets of those she interrogated was what made Hisayo's job interesting. To make a parallel to fiction, the man was a walking work of tragedy; an apathetic side-character not quite fulfilling the role of hero that'd been so perfectly lined up for him.

It was ironic really. The one moment that the man had finally decided to act his part, he'd made a fatal mistake; it was a faulty split-second yet surprisingly rational decision, one which had utterly destroyed him.

It was both the fact that the man was still an ally of the leaf and that he hadn't intentionally committed treason that had gained him his pardon. There was no reason for the Leaf to lose its valuable copy-nin.

Hisayo ran a hand gently across the man's unconscious jawline, stopping only at the small mole on the right side of his chin. To think this was the face that Hatake Kakashi hid so well, it was a shame. Even with the weariness painted across his features, he was very handsome.

She leaned back and sat. Hopefully he'd wake before her shift was over. Gods knew she needed the company. The long hours of enhanced interrogation had done its toll on her and she wasn't even the one who had been interrogated. If their estimates were correct, the brief coma that the man had been put into would dissipate by late evening. Hisayo sighed. Even when he woke, Hatake Kakashi would need to be placed under watch for a few days. Sorting through his mind, the interrogators had found very strong indications of suicidal tendencies. He would need to be inducted into a care-program until he was deemed mentally stable, a common routine for the program coordinators. Nothing out of the ordinary, in short.

This was another part of why she liked her job. Shinobi could be ruthless war-machines, but more often than not, their humanity eventually got the better of them. Even those who'd thought themselves immune to the atrocities they saw suffered recurring nightmares of guilt and horror in the aftermath of their experiences. Under the system's regular psychological evaluations, a surprising number of Shinobi tested positive to receiving mandatory traumatic stress relief. More than the infiltration of the minds of the interrogation targets that made it to the T&I, the gift of being able to see into people's memories and thoughts made the Yamanaka an invaluable asset in the mental health service sector.

To her, being able to help others cope with their pain was a reward in and of itself. It made sharing the horrors of their experiences that much more bearable. The job paid well of course, horrendous as it could be: None could give empathy like a Yamanaka.

"Hatake Kakashi." Hisayo mused quietly to herself as she waited for the man to wake from his interrogation-induced coma. "The tragic hero.."

* * *

A/N: I have absolutely nothing to say. I love R&R's? Yeah. Let's go with that. *wink


	3. I-III: Dreams

_Paradise!_ Is where I want to be for all of eternity. Bliss and happiness forever and ever.. if only I could. :(

* * *

A child limped home in the late evening. He watched as the child climbed the stairs step by step, the same stairs that he'd seen the kid climbed many times before.

The wooden structure didn't even creak as the child's small form made its way up toward its single apartment room.

Sitting a short distance away on the tops of the few tall lampposts in the area, he waited for the kid to enter the building before leaping to another vantage point, flying across the rooftops to stand on the wall right below an open, fourth-floor window.

From his position, he could hear the sounds of shuffling feet coming from inside, and his heart began to race with excitement.

"Oh!" A childish exclamation floated out the window. "Mr. Bear! How did you get in my apartment?"

There was a brief scuffling noise as the sound of jolting bedsprings squeaked into the observer's ears.  
"So," The child's voice asked hesitantly. "Does this mean you'll be staying? It gets really lonely in here and there's only me and I'm not very fun. No one wants to play with me. Wait.."

A soft clunk resonated on the wall.

"It's the same for you too right? The shop owners wouldn't let me buy you, so you must have came to my apartment by yourself." The child suddenly laughed. "Well Mr. Bear! Let me introduce myself to you. My name is Uzumaki Naruto! I'm!" The bedsprings groaned loudly and repetitively. "So!" There was another creak of bedsprings and then there was silence. "I'm so happy that you want to be with me! I swear I'll take care of you forever Mr. Bear! I swear so don't go running away ok? I'll be like the bestest friend you'll ever have!"

The sound of dancing feet thumping on the apartment floor faded.

He felt warm, and there was a muted glow invading his senses. To his side, he could hear steady breathing.

Slowly, he opened an eye, revealing a dimly lit room. Kakashi stared into the creases of wood on the ceiling, As he carefully analyzed his surroundings, an unmistakable and inexplicable feeling of loss clenched slowly but steadily at his insides; it was a feeling both constricting and suffocating at the same time. A knot had been tied around his chest and was tightening with every passing second.

Something was amiss.

Then the noose on his heart suddenly pull taut. _Naruto_.

Fighting the sting in his eyes, Kakashi resumed his inspection of this surroundings. The room was unremarkable and characteristically clean.

To his side, he could see a woman sitting on a chair.

With an unusually large degree of apprehension, he realized that his mask was gone. An urge to bolt up and look for the absent slip of cloth came and went.

He wasn't sure why he was trying to hide the fact that he'd woken. Maybe he didn't want to talk to the woman, clearly someone left to keep him under watch. He really didn't want to speak right now. Kakashi considered that thought, verifying the truth of that sentiment. Brief as it had come, his anxiety over losing his mask vanished. What was the point? He wasn't going to be a Shinobi anymore anyway. Without his mask, it would be easy for him to melt away as just another face in the crowd. He would no longer be recognized as the the Leaf's Copy-nin; disguising himself would be easy. The idea gave him pause. He wasn't sure why he would go through the trouble of disguising himself either. What was the point of him going into disguise? There was no point. It was a silly notion with no real purpose or goal attached.

Silently, Kakashi let his eyes fall shut once more. He'd never felt so lost, at least not since the Fourth Hokage's death. Namikaze Minato and his wife had been all that had remained of his team. They were the only ones who'd interacted with his teammates to the same degree that he had.

They'd died, leaving him behind and alone, forever regretting his mistakes and failures to truly open himself up to them. He would've despaired. His duty to his former teammates had been quashed. He'd failed them. Rin had been killed, and Obito's sacrifice had been for nought. He would not fail with Uzumaki Naruto. That's what he had told himself. It was the promise he'd sworn to uphold as he'd stood before the memorial stones, staring into the names of his teammates and that of the man who had given his life for him and for the Hidden Leaf village. Nohara Rin. Uchiha Obito. Namikaze Minato. Each name represented a memory and a promise, promises which he'd continually and successively failed to uphold.

"You're awake aren't you?"  
Kakashi remained still, breathing as silently and as regularly as possible.

"Um.." Hisayo watched her patient uncomfortably. She _knew_ he was awake, and he was pretending not to be. It made the situation more strange than she was comfortable with."You um.. breathed a bit more loudly while you were asleep."

A single eye flicked open, the sudden gaze causing her heart to leap to her throat.

There was a moment of unsettling silence as the man stared at her expectantly.

A million words went through her mind at once, none of them making it to her mouth. Hisayo stared back, not knowing what to say. If he'd been feigning sleep, then it almost certainly meant he didn't want to talk to her. With that realization in mind, Hisayo suddenly regretted having spoken in the first place. She couldn't look away either. Could she just look down at her book and ignore him after calling his attention to her?

What was wrong with her? Yamanaka Hisayo had always been an outgoing person, not this silent, fumbling fool! "Well." She began, putting on a confident front. "I'm-"

"Where's my mask?"

"Your mask?" Hisayo hic'd. She was a therapist who specialized in speaking to people. She knew almost everything there was to know about her patient, and had already gone over how she would speak to him when he woke. _What's wrong with you?!_ She screamed internally. _Hisayo you stupid idiot!_

Kakashi discreetly exposed his left eye to the world. His Chakra blazed thickly, solidifying his cast of the Illusion as the young woman stared unknowingly into his swirling red pupil.

The blonde squirmed in her seat, looking distinctly uncomfortable. "I.. I-"

Blushing a furious red, Hisayo shrunk in her seat. He must think her a fool, an idiot. She didn't know what to say anymore. All her thoughts were in a jumble. The first impression she'd thought she'd make was ruined; whatever she'd imagined of it, it wasn't this. It was supposed to be professional, and she was supposed to be composed. The more she thought on it and the more the man stared at her (in disapproval, what else could it be?) the worse the situation became.

"I need to go to the..restroom?" Hisayo stood shakily, almost reduced to tears. She needed to calm down. When she got back, she would be her usual confident and professional self, but right now, she needed to get out of there before she completely destroyed her image.

Kakashi smiled (smirked! He was smirking at her!), his eyes seeming to penetrate her soul. "Well. Don't let me keep you."

Like a child being released from detention, the woman scampered out of the room. She raced into the restroom, slammed the door shut, pressed her back against the facility walls and slid down onto the ceramic tiles.

She was pathetic.

Absolutely pathetic.

* * *

A click of the door marked the last traces of her departure. Kakashi stared in her wake for a moment. What was he doing? Why was he doing this?

It didn't matter. He wasn't going to lie around in some hospital waiting to be treated like some mentally unstable patient. He quashed the voice in the back of his head which told him that he _was_ in fact mentally unstable.

Flaring through several hand seals, the figure of Hatake Kakashi vanished in a puff of smoke, replaced by that of the blonde Yamanaka that had been employed to watch him. Disguise donned, Kakashi slipped quietly out of his room. There was no use dawdling. His little trick would wear off soon, and the woman would be back.

It was a stroke of good fortune that she was attracted to him; it made the Illusion he had put on her easy to cast - a soft, subtle and arguably natural manipulation of her mind. Even when she recovered her normal state, the woman would be completely oblivious to the fact that she had been placed under an Illusion. It was probably the most harmless way to have gotten rid of the sentry that'd been put on him.

On the other hand. She would be blamed for his disappearance. He hoped they didn't punish her too badly.

Ahead, he saw a man with orange hair and green vest coming up the stairs in his direction.

The man saw him and smiled. "Hisayo-chan!"

Kakashi smiled. "Hi.."

"I didn't know you were getting off until that Kakashi woke!"

"He's.. Well.. he did."

"Oh he did?"

"Yeah. I have something I need to do so I'll be leaving. Someone else is already there."

Ah. The man nodded. "Well. I'll see you tomorrow then, Hisayo."

Kakashi nodded and stepped past the man.

"So how was he?"

Kakashi stopped and looked up. "He's doing alright.." He frowned with a thoughtful look. They'd been inside his head, which means that the Third knew why he'd done what he'd done. It meant that he was still a functional Leaf-aligned Shinobi. It also meant that he had most likely been pardoned. Such was the norm with Sarutobi Hiruzen. Always so forgiving and doing everything he could to cater to the well-being of the village.

"He's still having trouble coming to terms with what he did." Kakashi added, his tongue feeling like ashes as he uttered the words. "Where are you going?"

"Oh well.." The man looked away. "Nowhere in particular. Want to go get some dinner?"

"No. I'm busy." Kakashi replied evenly, and the man's face fell. "I'll see you tomorrow."  
"Yeah." The man forced a natural-looking smile on his face. "Have a good evening, Hisayo-chan."

' _She has an admirer_ ' Kakashi thought idly as he continued down to the first floor. He entered the front lounge and strode purposefully toward the entrance, ignoring the old man at the registration desk.

"Yamanaka Hisayo." The man called. "Where are you going?"

' _No such luck huh?'_ Kakashi paused at the door. "I'm leaving."

The man narrowed his eyes. "Did you see Fu?"

Fu? Was that the man's name? Fu? "Yes. I did."

"That's strange.." The man continued.

Kakashi turned back and gave the man a glaring look. "How is it strange?"

"Oh nothing. Have a good night then, Hisayo-chan."

"I will." Kakashi turned and walked out into the cool night air. ' _What am I doing?!_ '

* * *

"Hisayo?" Fu stared wide-eyed at the woman who stood at the open doorway. She turned a glance at him. "Hisayo. What the hell are you doing here?!"

The blonde flinched, her pale eyes casting down as she turned toward him. "He's gone.."

"Who?" He asked automatically before realization dawned on him. No wonder she'd been so unusual when he'd talked to her earlier.

"Hatake Kakashi." Hisayo answered, verifying his guess. "I left him alone and he disappeared."

"You.." Fu stared at her. Seeing the woman he admired reduced to so pitiable a state.. "Why did you leave him alone? You _knew_ he was unstable. Hisayo. What if he woke up before you got back? You should've known better."

He snagged her hand, pulling her with him. She followed without a fight, and Fu felt a sudden thrill. For once, she was in his power. She was so subdued. He'd never seen her like this. Eventualities happened, and although he was sure the Third wouldn't kill her, Fu was almost certain that Ibiki would not take well to this failure.

Pulling her forcefully down the stairs at a brisk pace, Fu couldn't help but smile. He loved this feeling. He loved seeing her like this.

"I can't believe you stood there the entire time. You should've reported this instantly the moment you realized he was gone."

They entered the lounge, and the desk manager gawked.  
Fu smirked knowingly. "The woman you saw leave here wasn't Yamanaka Hisayo, but Hatake Kakashi in disguise."

The man's forehead creased into several lines as his eyebrows shot up his forehead. He glanced at Hisayo, causing her to almost visibly flinch at his gaze. Kosuke sighed. "Eventualities happen."

"And should have been accounted for." Fu remarked judiciously, and released the hand in his grip. "Hisayo. You should work with Kosuke to put down all the details into an exact report. I'll go notify the Hokage. He'll want to know."

The woman nodded numbly, and Fu smiled at her. "It'll be OK. I'll put in some words for you. Kosuke is right. Eventualities happen. I'm sure the Hokage will understand."

She nodded again. Fu patted her shoulders and began to make his way out the door. "Take care of her." He called as he walked.

A few moments later, he was gone, leaving the two T&I employees to speak with themselves and work through their report.

Bare minutes after Yamanaka Fu's departure, another Shinobi waltzed in through the front doors. She approached the front desk with a grin and an empty stick of dango dangling between her teeth.  
"Yo!" She greeted the people behind the desk cheerily. Hisayo recognized her. Mitarashi Anko. Special Jonin, former student of the criminal, Orochimaru, and one-time superior. She looked the same as ever. Her shoulder-lengthed hair was tied into a small, spiked band in the back of her head, making her look like one of the Nara clan males, and, as usual, she was dressed shamelessly.

"Anko." Hisayo said in greeting as she collected whatever pride and self-assurance she could muster before turning back to her report.

"Oh! Hisayo-chan! I haven't seen you since Kakashi's torture, which means it's been about almost eleven hours since you've seen my face!" Anko looked between the two T&I employees.

Anko stuck out her tongue briefly, and Hisayo put down her brush to look up at her expectantly. "May we help you?"

"We? I didn't know you were into old men, Hisayo-chan."

Hisayo rolled her eyes and went back to scratching away at her scroll.

"What a nerd.." Anko muttered just loud enough for the blonde to hear.

Old Kosuke, the eternal Genin and temporary T&I front-desk manager, took this as his cue to speak. "In my day, we used a similar term to describe the Third Hokage. Sarutobi Hiruzen, _the Professor_. We called him. He spent as much time with his nose in the books as he did training. I'm sure you would've found him very attractive." Anko felt her smile feel a little more forced as the old man laughed heartily with a twinkle in his eyes which abruptly vanished as quickly as it had come. His entire figure became stern. "A B-level emergency has just occurred. We're compiling a report, and are rather busy. State your business and state it quickly, Mitarashi Anko."

The Special Jonin straightened herself with a salute, already forgetting the exchange. The air of seriousness she exuded was betrayed by the excitement in her tone. "I'm here to see Kakashi. It's been forever since I've seen Kakashi stuck to a bed." She licked her lips again, the perpetual smile that she wore stuck stubbornly to her face. "I was hoping to obtain a visit. Y'know, since he's been.. _tortured_ and everything," Hisayo offhandedly noted the distinct lack of sympathy at the mention of Kakashi's torment, almost as if it was a pleasant thing, like a walk in the forest.

"The standard protocol means I have to obtain permission from his current attendant, which would be Hisayo-chan here." The Jonin continued.

Hisayo's lips twitched downwards. "He's-"

"Oh and since you're down here," Anko interrupted. "That means he's awake. _Perfect_. I heard he was gonna be held in here for a few days. Just give me the written permission and I'll be on my way. In fact, you won't have to come back for the rest of the night. I'll take care of your attendance duties for you. Sound like a deal?"

Anko waited with bated breath. With what she knew, Kakashi was supposed to be depressed. She loved it when Kakashi was depressed. The last time he'd been declared mentally unstable was right after the Nine-tails' attack. She couldn't wait. The nerd Yamanaka just needed to give her the written permission and-

"He's escaped."

"Huh.. escaped?" That was interesting.. and not unexpected. "To where?"

"That's the emergency. Maybe you can help bring him back. He's very unstable right now, and.. well, let's just say suicide was pretty high on his list when we went through his mind. Maybe you can help find him before he does anything stupid."

The Jonin seemed to pause in thought as the two people before her continued their work. "I'll bring him back." She said with a quiet frown. The frown disappeared as the woman plastered her smile back onto her face. "See you later nerd!" she said loudly before vanishing on the spot.

Hisayo glared at her report.

"I hope she does find him.. wouldn't want him to die now would you?" Kosuke said knowingly as he took up Hisayo's finished report. "You'll need to deliver this to the Hokage Tower. I would escort you, but I have to manage this desk."

"That's alright. Thank you Kosuke." Hisayo smiled. "For being a gentleman"

The old man's eyes twinkled. "It was my _privilege_."

Hisayo nodded and left the desk manager to his own devices. Something was off about the way he said that, but that wasn't important. If Hatake Kakashi died, her career would be over.

The thought almost made her hyperventilate. She couldn't lose this job. It was all she had. This wouldn't be the first time she'd made such an error. Already, she could hear Ibiki yelling at her in front of the Hokage. She hated it. She hated having to have her fate depend entirely on the pity of the Third Hokage.

' _I should've done better.'_ she thought as she raced across the rooftops. A good number of her patients hated themselves for their occupation. Shinobis were designed to kill. The moment one made it as an official Shinobi by earning the rank of Genin, they were sent out into the fields to kill or be killed.

That was just not the way things worked. Humans were not designed to kill each other. It was no wonder so many of her patients were guilt-ridden and shell-shocked beyond the scope of their psychological capacities. Kakashi had displayed all the symptoms. He was erratic and could've done anything. Having scoured his memories, she'd let herself believe that she knew him. It had given her a false sense of security, one which had resulted in her allowing him to escape.

Another realization suddenly came upon her. Part of this was his fault. He was the one who had run away and, thus refused her help. Then again, it was her fumbling stupidity which had probably disenchanted him of the notion of receiving help. Instead of dealing with the issue, she had run away pathetically.

Why? She didn't normally act so flustered.

 _You know why_ Her inner psychologist said accusingly. And she did. Part of her embarrassment was a result of some innate desire for him to like her, to respect her and to depend on her. All of that had been shattered. It made her all the more pathetic. Why him? Why Hatake Kakashi of all people? Why?

The Hokage tower was buzzing with activity. Shinobi ran in and out late into the night. The Hokage himself sometimes stayed there into the morning's, such was the work the old Kage had to sit through.

She spoke with Yamamoto, the Hokage's secretary, handed him her report, was ushered to the Hokage's office, spoke with the Hokage, and was dismissed. The Third had told her to go home and rest.

The persistent question gnawed at her thoughts as she drifted to her apartment room. She slipped her coat off, folding it and putting it on a chair. Then she removed the uncomfortable gear she'd been wearing all day, placing them atop her coat. A brief dabbling in shower water and a quick brush of her teeth later, Hisayo stood no less anxious at the foot of her resting place. Routine had nothing to assuage her. Against her better judgment, she went into one of her cabinets.

After taking a sleeping pill, Hisayo lay herself on her fuuton, staring anxiously at the ceiling. Her eyes adjusted slowly to the darkness.

" _Why?"_ She whispered before the pill took effect, dragging her off into the land of dreams.

* * *

A/N: Nothing fun or clever. Maybe leave an R&R? I quite enjoy those.


	4. I-IV: Duty

A/N: I've changed the rating of this fic. Just a heads up; one dirty mouth can do that.

* * *

If only he could go back in time. He would change everything. He would make a dramatic entrance through the window, like Obito no doubt would have done. Naruto would've been ecstatic. He would raise the kid as his own, even if he had to be away most of the time on his missions. At least then, Naruto would have had a real friend growing up. Then the child wouldn't have been so alone. His best childhood friend wouldn't have been some stupid two hundred ryo teddy bear.

He remembered all the times he had watched the little blonde - watched him caper about loudly with cavalier disregard of the villagers' collective disdain. Sometimes, the boy would return home quietly. Sometimes he would return angry and shamed, hateful of the treatment he'd received. Other times, in rare instances, the blonde could be heard crying, lamenting his loneliness and pining for his parents, something he never did in public. In public, Uzumaki Naruto was loud and happy regardless of where he was or who he was interacting with.

Kakashi looked up to see a blonde figure glaring at him with loathing, tears streaming down its face. "You killed my son.."

Next to the figure, a red-haired woman collapsed onto her knees, sobbing wretchedly. "Naruto.. My little Naruto. My only child. Kakashi.. _why?!_ "

Kakashi's breath quickened as guilt pervaded his soul. It was the most awful feeling in the world.

"How could you? After all we've done for you.." The voice of the Fourth Hokage, Namikaze Minato, trailed off only to be replaced by Obito.

"I thought you could change. I thought you could give Rin the life she deserved. Not only did you fail to protect Rin, you've now taken away all that is left of our Teacher and his wife. I died for you.. I was wrong. I shouldn't have. I was wrong to have believed in you. You're worse than trash, Kakashi."

The three figures vanished and Kakashi tore his eyes away to stare back into the monument. The hallucinations were back, and they were worse than before. He was seeing things, hearing what wasn't there. The voice in his mind told him that he was going insane. He accepted that conclusion; he deserved to suffer.

Naruto had lived miserably and died without ever receiving closure. An inglorious death - a wretched name and reputation was what was left of the Fourth's son, of Uzumaki Naruto. He would not be remembered for the boy he was or for the lineage from which he hailed. Instead, he would be remembered as the Demon-fox, held with spite in the memories of the village no matter what the Third Hokage might say or do. It had been up to Naruto to clear his own name, to forge his own path. Now he was dead and would never be capable of redeeming himself, and it was his fault.

He should've raised the kid. He should've done what he could for Naruto. He should've been more careful that day instead of letting his mind be clouded with fear. It was his fault. All of it was his fault.

* * *

' _Ah! Found him!'_

Landing lightly in the grass, she walked toward the solid frame. His silver hair seemed to glow in the moonlight and.. where was his mask? No headband or vest either? Odd..

She took a place to his side, letting her shoulder press against his. "I knew you'd be here."

Kakashi released a dry breath. "Anko.."

"That's me!" She grinned. "How's it goin'?"

Kakashi continued to stare into the black obsidian of the monument, his eyes no doubt boring into the names of his teammates and/or the Fourth.

"I heard you were depressed." Anko waited as she looked for those names herself. They didn't mean much to her, if she were to be honest. They were just names, and this was just a rock. The dead were dead. There was no reason to worry about them. Only the living had any sort of impact on the living. You could die and do great things with that death, but once you were dead, you would never do anything again. As far as the living was concerned, the dead did not exist. "You know moping around is not gonna bring him back."

Aaand he was ignoring her. She grabbed at him angrily, forcing him to face her. "Hey! I'm talking to you. At least pretend you're listening to me you.. stupid.. dog-"

She stopped, her heart doing acrobatic flips as her eyes trailed down his maskless jaw. Some instinct told her to kiss him. It would be an empty gesture, and would probably make things worse, so she decided against it.

His gaze was silent and listless; _perfect_ in other words. She was glad he'd killed that loud orange brat. He looked so vulnerable and so incredibly sexy like this. Letting her hands fall back to her sides, she stepped forward to invade his personal space, her face bare inches in front of his. She could kiss him, and she wanted to do so badly, but not yet. Right now, she had to be subtle.

"If you kill yourself, Hatake Kakashi, I will desecrate your name. I'd spit on your grave for being stupid, then I'll drag your corpse from out of the grave and beat you up until you come to your senses. In fact, I'm threatening to do that now." She paused as she glared into both his eyes. "You should know better than to try that Sharingan trick with me, _Kakashi_."

Kakashi chuckled, his breath blowing into her face, sending tingles down her neck. "You should know better than to try manipulating me into having sex with you, Mitarashi Anko."

The woman laughed, blowing her own breath into the air between them. "You act like that's all I'm here to do."

"Is it not?" Kakashi smiled dryly. Anko's own smile vanished as she schooled her thoughts into anger.

"Look. I'm here to tell you that I care about you and that if you kill yourself, it'll be my fault for not having been able to talk you out of doing it."

Kakashi's smile felt empty as he considered those words. He didn't believe a single word she was saying.. at least he shouldn't, but a part of him couldn't help but feel guilty. She would feel the same burden that he felt now: that horrible regret. He didn't wish that on anyone. Wait. "What makes you think I'm going to kill myself?"

"I've been to T&I." Anko shot back as if that were sufficient in explaining her knowledge. It did. She stepped away, giving the man a full view of her profile if he bothered to look. She hoped he would, and softened her voice. "Kakashi. They're dead. They don't matter now. Only you and me matter. We're alive. Suffering for the dead isn't helping anyone."

She watched him carefully, gauging his reaction. He seemed.. unimpressed?

"I don't know what I expected from you, but now that I think about it, what you just said is exactly what I should've expected you to say."

"What-?"  
"If there's anything I know about you, Mitarashi Anko, it's that your list of priorities consist entirely of sex, dango and killing Orochimaru in that order. Nothing else matters to you. You would trade the life of a child for a stick of dango."

"You make me sound so despicable."

"You are."

"Fuck.. I'm only here to help you." Anko sneered. "Fuck you."

Kakashi turned back to his monument, he once again found and began tracing the names written on the stone with his eyes.

"Hatake Kakashi! Look at me!" Anko yelled angrily.

He ignored her. There was nothing she had to say that he wanted to hear.

"Stop acting like you're the Fourth Hokage's bitch you cock-sucking dog-fucker! He's dead! Why in all hells do you care so much about his kid?! It's not like you were fucking him or anything." The woman spoke into a void of silence, her insults passing through its target harmlessly.

"Kakashi!" This time, she was truly angry. How dare he demean her like this? "I cared about you! I really did! You really mattered to me. You still do. I-" The tears finally poured through as she half-lied through her teeth. ' _Oh gods I'm getting all emotional'_ "If you hadn't kicked me out of your life, I'd still be there! I wouldn't have left you! Kakashi - fuck.. - look at me you fucking piece of trash!"

Kakashi looked at her, considering her figure as he did. He noted her tears idly. Anko had always been good at acting.

"Kakashi.." A pleasant sensation bloomed in her belly and chest as she felt his eyes crawl up her legs and stomach. "I do actually love you." She walked up to him, ignoring his apathetic gaze and hugged him to her body, knowing that he could feel her desire rolling against him. "I love you. Come back with me. I'll take care of you. I'll stay with you. I'll listen to whatever you have to say. Just let me love you again. Forget everything that's been happening. Let yourself be happy."

Kakashi closed his eyes in thought and suddenly felt a pair of lips brush his jaw briefly before planting on a corner of his mouth, supplemented by a forceful and insistent tongue and an unnecessary moan of desire.

"Get off of me." He said, causing his lips to part enough to allow the tongue to slip through.

She ignored him, rushing forward in an attempt to topple him as she shifted her tongue toward his cheeks. He stumbled but managed to maintain his balance. It was almost funny, the way the two of them raced across the field with him running backwards and her pushing forward. "You know you want me." Anko breathed into his mouth as she somehow managed to keep herself firmly attached to him as they ran.. like a snake wrapped around a flailing tree branch.

They hit a tree and stopped, and suddenly, Anko found herself face-down on the ground with her arms wrenched painfully up behind her and a foot planted on her spine.

She struggled uselessly against the hold.  
"Even if I chose the path of life, I would not return with you. I'd go back in my own capacity." He pressed his knees to her back and leaned forward - mimicking the way he'd seen her treat prospective Chuunin during the Chuunin exams - and licked her cheeks tauntingly. "Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Kakashi.." Anko struggled to speak as she lifted her head. "I want you to take me back to your apartment, and I want you to fuck me senseless."

Ignoring his body's reactions at the suggestion, Kakashi laughed. "That was all our relationship amounted to wasn't it? All we did was have sex."

"I know you enjoyed it."

"It was too much. I'm not a nymphomaniac like you. I couldn't keep going on like that."

"I'd have been fine if we'd slowed it down."

"So I started to find other reasons." He continued as if she hadn't said anything. "I made it a mission to discover who you were, and I found..well. Let's just say you turned out to be exactly the type of person that I despised."

"What?"

"People like you, people who hold no regard for others, and who have no respect for the sacrifices made to them.."

"Kakashi-"

"Namikaze Minato _died_ for you. He's the only reason you're alive to live the life that you do now, and yet you defile his name, deride his sacrifice and his family. You'd called them idiots for dying, laughed at them for giving you _everything_ that you don't deserve.. I absolutely despise people like you."

"People like me.." Anko repeated, her tone falling flat into cold fury. "I'd thought you just wanted to.. never mind. I was wrong. So that was how it was. So that was why you.. _fuck_. I'd misread you. I'd thought you and I were the same."

"In what way?"

"It doesn't matter. Get the fuck off my back. I'm leaving."

Anko felt the pressure on her back let up and the hands at her wrists loosen and fall away. Crawling up from the dirt, she watched as Kakashi made his way back toward his memorial stone, his pretty backside swaying as he walked. "Hatake Kakashi!" She screeched. "I change my mind. You should kill yourself! If you love them so much, why don't you just fucking join them?! In fact, why don't you just marry the goddamned memorial stone?!"

She stood to her feet, watching for a reaction she knew she was not going to get. The pleasant night she'd had planned had been completely ruined. She hated him. She hated how he ignored her. "Hatake Kakashi!" She tried again. "You're a teacher-fucking pedophile you know that?! It was good that you killed that fucking demon brat that you loved so much! He deserved to fucking die, just like his dumbass parents did!"

The man froze.

"I bet you enjoyed letting the Fourth ride your ass! In fact, you probably enjoyed fucking his loud, retarded son too!"

Kakashi turned on his feet in a blur, and a wild jolt of fear struck at her heart. She wasn't sure why she'd wanted to provoke him so badly, but the way he'd continued to dismiss her made her incredibly angry. A part of her was happy that she'd finally made him react while another part was stunned into absolute terror. His Sharingan eye flared a deep red, glowing in the night and creating a terrifying spectre.

The Killing Intent he exerted made her stomach drop in a combination of thrill and horror. Succumbing to the latter, the Special Jonin began to back away.

Kakashi closed the distance between them instantly, crossing twenty meters in the blink of an eye.

In a moment of fear, Anko shot a rabble of summoned snakes out at him from her sleeves. The snakes tore through the air, their venomous fangs stretching forward along with the extending length of their long scaly bodies. There was a bright flash of light and the sound of crackling electricity as the snakes disintegrated against several arcs of superheated bolts. And then, he was standing before her.

Anko threw a fist forward. Kakashi snapped up his own fist, breaking the woman's forearm mid-punch.

Then he caught her ankle, the kick she'd intended to send into his face hung uselessly away from its intended target.

Anko trembled in fear and pain as she let her broken right forearm fall to her side. To make matters worse, she could hear herself whimpering like one of her torture victims - like one of the many squirming wretches she'd so utterly broken for the sake of information.

Kakashi simply glared down at her. His grip on her left ankle tightened painfully, causing a few pops to crackle into the evening.

"If I ever hear you insult their names again, I will find you and I will tear out your filthy tongue." The man growled under his breath. "In fact, if you enjoy being alive, Mitarashi Anko, which I'm sure you do, I suggest you never show your face in front of me again. _Do you understand?!_ "

"I understand." She cried in a voice weak with terror. The grip on her ankle was only a reminder of his strength and what could come if she continued what she was doing previously. "Please. Let me go. I swear I won't ever speak to you again. I promise. Please. Let me go."

Kakashi tossed her leg aside. With a look that reminded him of a kicked puppy, Anko raced away with a limp.

Kakashi stood silently for some moments before making his way back to the memorial stone. He wasn't sure what he was doing, where he was going to go or what he planned to do.

It made him feel like a mangy dog, lost on the streets looking to return to a home which was long gone and an owner who had died in the fire that had burnt it down.

* * *

An old voice suddenly croaked from his side. "Kakashi."

He turned in surprise, somehow having missed the new arrival. His surprise was vanquished as he beheld the wide brimmed hat and the white, red-tinged coat. "Hokage-sama.."

The two stood silently in mutual greeting and respect for several moments. It had to be past midnight by now, but it was well known that the Hokage hardly slept.

When Kakashi didn't make an effort to speak, Hiruzen took the initiative.

"You know Minato once told me in secret that his wife thought Obito to be her favorite from among the three of you."

"She did?"  
"Oh yes. He was exactly the kind of boy she wished her own child would be. A boy willing to fight against a world of odds and challenge even fate itself. A boy who aspired to be Hokage even when those around him told him it was impossible.. a boy whose spirit endured through many trials and hardships with a smile on his face and the determination to hold on no matter what happened."

"I.. see."

"Kushina would've been proud of Naruto. He turned out to be everything she'd hoped he would be. Don't you think?"  
"He was. They loved him and they trusted me and I.. I kil-" Kakashi felt his voice start to break and he stopped.

"Do you know what else Minato told me?"

Kakashi shook his head mutedly.

"That night.. I spoke to him. I didn't want to see him die. Such a young man with so much potential.. I begged him to let the village deal with the Nine-tails, to let me handle it. He refused. He told me that the village needed him, that if he didn't carry out his plan of sealing the Nine-tails with that Jutsu, too many casualties would result. He valued the villagers' lives over that of his own because he believed that you and Naruto would carry on his will of fire, even if he and his wife were to die. Earlier, when I told you that you were part of his legacy, I wasn't just speaking empty words." He paused to give Kakashi time to speak or react before continuing. "You were like a son to the Namikaze family. You always will be. Kakashi. This will probably be the worst trial you will ever have to face, but it is a trial for you to overcome. Endure and persist, and do what you can with what you have. Make your family proud."

Kakashi looked glumly at the black stone in the light of the near-completed moon. "Do you miss them?"

"I do." Hiruzen replied earnestly. "You are all a part of my family. Each and every single one of you. I mourn every death, miss every face that I will no longer ever have the pleasure of seeing in this realm, particularly the ones who die before their time. Sometimes I wonder if I could've done better. If this old man could have changed the many terrible fates that befell the unfortunate victims of his many mistakes." He paused to take a breath. "My life has been a path full of regrets, but at the end of the day, I know that I must live, that I must carry their will of fire until my death. That is my duty to my people. Not to waste my life away in grief, but to do my utmost to do what they would have wanted me to do in whatever situation I encounter. Their will is the will of the village and it will persist for as long as there are people left who could call themselves citizens or Shinobi of the Leaf."

A thick cloud had passed over the moon as the old man spoke, putting surroundings into darkness and obscuring the characters of the names carved into the memorial stone.

Kakashi tried and failed to see their names, to see the last trace of those he held dear. He stared desperately, hoping to etch the latest addition into his mind. _Uzumaki Naruto_.

The Third was right. He owed it to his teammates to live. He carried the Fourth's will, his legacy. He owed it to Naruto to make the world a place in which the boy would've been happy. That was what he would do. He would devote everything to his duty, even if it meant sacrificing his own personal happiness. He did not deserve happiness. It was the only way he could atone.

Hiruzen felt something in his knees as several drops of rain began falling. He stood with the young man for what seemed an eternity as the rain began to fall with increasing rapidity, every drop evaporating against the external heat of the chakra-conductive material of his Kage's cloak. Having an affinity for fire was nice.

In the storm of pelting rain, a voice spoke formally through the thick wetness. "Your command Hokage-sama?"

Hiruzen felt relief at the words. Somehow, he'd gotten through to the boy. Very well. "You will receive psychological evaluation for the next three days. The Genin-team you were supposed to be leading.. I do not believe I will require that service from you any longer. Uzuki Yugao will be substituting you as their Jonin-leader."

"Yes. Hokage-sama."

"However, you are unique in that you are the only Shinobi in the village left who is capable of using the Sharingan, thus you will still assist in the training of Uchiha Sasuke."

"Yes Hokage-sama. Anything else?"

"Well." The old Kage mused. "I suppose I'll have you escort me to the T&I hospital area where you will _stay_ until you are deemed sufficiently fit to leave its premises by your evaluee.. what was her name? Yamanaka Hisayo I believe."

"That is correct. Shall we go then, Hokage-sama?"

"Of course." Hiruzen flickered a bit of fire at his fingertips to light his surroundings and sighed. Kakashi was drenched. It seemed the young man's gravity-defying hair hadn't been strong enough to defy the rain. "We wouldn't want you to catch a cold now would we?"

* * *

A/N: Rated M.. makes me feel giddy. Heehee. Tread with care~ If you're not careful you might step on something sharp. Lucky for some of us, we have desensitized feet, hardened from around seventeen years or so of walking. Anyway, a general note of apologies to anyone who might find this change not to their tastes; it's nothing overt - hopefully.. just a character with a really, really bad mouth and dirty thoughts.. like an old man preying on the image of young woman.

Because we definitely needed that image in our minds, no offense for you older menfolks. You're probably just like me.. just older.. and closer to dying. Wow. I'm a horrible person. I mean hey, George RR Martin wrote rated M material, and he's an old man.. I have no idea where I'm going with that line of thought. It's 4 AM and I have to stay up for eight more hours. Lack of sleep makes me prone to rambling. Woohooooo! I feel so CRAYYYYYY!

On another note, I watched Doctor Strangelove recently. It was.. words cannot describe it. It made me laugh so I suppose that's a bonus. Nothing like political satire of the 60's. Just wonderful. ANd I don't mean that sarcastically either. It was very enjoyable.


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